the angry pants

I just want to punch my tv every time she says “Depot Time”!

I admit it, I’m addict of facebook and twitter. But don’t you just hate it when people posts those one or two sentence posts that make NO SENSE to anyone?

For example:

Posting one line out of some lyrics. Fuck off!

“OMFG I can’t believe it.” What can you fucking not believe? Please explain since you took the time to type this shit that makes no sense to anyone.

“Why did you do that?” Why did who did what? Why did you type that dumb fucking message?

“REALLY?” Did you really just take the time type really? 

I’ve come to the conclusion that we are all self absorbed. We scream for attention secretly online. I won’t lie, I check my twitter feed or facebook to see who’s responded or even this blog to see who commented. But please STOP sharing stupid posts that doesn’t make any sense.

I know a few people in my life that don’t give a fuck about time or prior commitments. They always say, “Yes, I’ll be there,” then they never fucking show with no notice. Or I’ll be there at 2pm, and show up at 3pm. What the fuck is wrong with you?!?!? You commit to come meet me at this time, fucking be there. If you don’t want to, don’t waste my fucking time.

I’ve had it with people who have no regards for other peoples time. Go fuck yourself with your precious time. Obviously, your time is more valuable than anyone else.

I actually worked at Starbucks for almost 3 years during my college years. It was a love and hate relationship. I loved working with my co-workers (except a few) but I hated dealing with some of the most difficult and strange customers. Over the years I’ve come to realization that there are a specific buckets Starbucks customers fall into.

Daily Customer – This is someone who’s addicted to Starbucks. They come in, drop all their hard earned money and get a $5 cup of coffee everyday. I know them by their drinks exactly the way they want it. Grande, sugar free vanilla, one pump hazelnut, non-fat, 2 splenda, latte.

I hate coffee customer – These people are usually teens. They come into a coffee shop and asks, “What should I get? but I hate coffee.” What the fuck are you doing in a coffee shop? Don’t come to a coffee shop if you don’t like coffee!

I don’t know what a fucking cappuccino is customer – These customers drive me nuts. These are the novice coffee drinkers. They have no idea what they want, but some how they’ve heard of the word cappuccino and maybe tried it once at a gas station. Cappuccinos are basically a shot of espresso, layered with a small amount of milk and most of it with milk foam. The scenario plays out like this. Jack ass comes in, doesn’t know what they want, they blurt out cappuccino, I make them one, than complain that this isn’t what they want. By this time, I figure out that they’re a newbie and they probably wanted a frappaccino. I curse in my head and proceed to make them one.

I’m a caffeine crackhead – These are the people who must drink coffee multiple times a day. Not just plain coffee but a $5 cup of coffee from Starbucks. These crackheads binge on coffee 3 times a day. That’s about on average $15 a day on coffee alone. People are fucking starving in this world and they’re soo high and mighty that they must treat themselves to a $15 worth of coffee every day.

I’m soo cool cause I have a laptop customer – These are the schmucks that come into the store, order one drink and sit for hours on end hogging up seats for actual paying customers. They tend to migrate to the coffee shop to display to the rest of the world that they’re doing something important. Hey! look at me! I’m on a computer! I’m doing something sooo important that I need to do it at a coffee shop where there’s all these people to watch me.

Frappaccino fuckers – Yea, I said it. Fuckers. Cause these are usually teens that come in packs of little fuckers (some big), and order dozens of frappacinos at a time. I fucking HATE the frapaccino station. You always run out of everything; ice, whip cream, syrup, toppings, frappaccino mix, ubb mix, all kinds of shit you just run out. I hate frappaccinos with a passion. I swore off frappaccinos since I’ve worked at a Starbucks. Fuck frappaccinos.

Calories don’t matter customers – I would say 90% of the customers probably don’t give a shit about the calories they consume in each of these drinks. Frappaccinos are the worst. I believe the caramel frappaccino has over 1500 calories in the venti. I knew a customer that would come in a few times a week and order a venti caramel frappaccino with a slice of caramel fudge cheese cake. He just consumed his daily caloric value in 15 minutes.

I need my drink perfect customers - These are the biggest pricks of them all. These are the people that make you’re daily life miserable. They’re pathetic life is so horrible that they must some how impart some of that negativity on to your life. I had a customer that would come in, order a grande, non-fat, 1 1/2 splenda, 22 second timed shot with 1 ice cube. She would wait by the bar and watch me time the shot. If it wasn’t perfect, she’d demand another. Then there’s cappuccino Jim. The worst of them all. This fucker would always order a cappuccino and watch you make his drink. If it wasn’t perfect, he’d come back after drinking half of it, and start cursing up a storm. What a fucking psycho.

Come at the last minute while we’re closing customer - Out of all the customers, I hate these people the most. It takes a while breaking things down, cleaning the machines, refilling everything for the morning crew. While we prepare to close in advance to leave on time, we get those straggler fucks that come in at the last minute asking for a cup of fucking coffee. Those who don’t know, all Starbucks store must open 10 minutes past the actual closing time. Just a rule corporate created to serve those who really wanted a cup of fucking coffee in the middle of the night and could barely make it till closing time. Fuck off!

Which type of customer are you?

By day I am a web designer, and by night, I’m a full time angry pants ( an angry person). Often when you meet someone new, they ask what you do for a living. I say the usual, I develop and design websites for a living.

They usually respond, “Oh really… that’s great…” “So do you make websites on the side?”

I respond, “Sometimes…” I’m thinking oh fuck, here comes the proposal.

“Well, I have this idea and I need this website…” or “I have a business selling crap and I need an awesome website…”

I hear this shit at least once a week. Everyone and their mom wants a damn website for whatever reason. I don’t want to make you a website. And here are my reasons why:

1. You probably want a website and spend $500 bucks. I don’t do $500 work. I do customized design and implementation. If you want a $500 website, ask some college kid. Better yet, go to buy yourself a template online.
2. You probably have no experience in web design and you probably will dictate every fucking aspect of it. Some how we all start becoming an art critic when it comes to making you a website.
3. You probably have the worst idea, or the idea has been done by thousand others.
4. You probably will bitch and moan when I quote you over $2,000 for a website and tell you it takes months rather than a week your pea sized brain thought.
5. Some brave (stupid) people even ask for a free website in return of exposure that I would receive. Some how their website will be this amazing traffic driving site that will bring thousands of clients running to my door.

I hate small talk. Especially at social gatherings like weddings. I hate it when I have to be dragged along with my wife to weddings of people I don’t even know.

Here are some scenarios I freaking dread.

Scenario 1

Person I don’t know (PIDK): Hey, I’m Jim.

Me: Hey, I’m James. (fuuuuck me!)

PIDK: So… are you friends with the bridge or groom?

Me: Umm… neither. My wife is friends with the bride.

(Awkward silence pursues…)

PIDK: So… what do you do for a living?

Me:(for fucks sake, lets just shut up, quit the small talk and lets stop pretending to care… and enjoy the free booze and food.) I’m a web designer.

(Awkward silence pursues…)
(I guess I have to ask what he does…)

Me: So… what do you do for a living?

PIDK: I’m an accountant for blah blah blah… and it’s so amazing at blah blah blah…

(I wish this guy would shut up so I can just eat in peace.)

Scenario 2

PIDK: So, do you know the bride or groom?

Me: My wife is friends with the bride. I’m just here to tag along.

PIDK: Yea… so, I’ve been friends with blah blah blah for 30 years!!! and I can’t believe shes now married! We go way back. When we were in school together blah blah blah…

(fuuuuck… foreal dude?)

Most of my life I’ve been an average size kid up until junior high. I love eating food and food loves me. It’s been an all love relationship till my later years in life where I started to struggle with this relationship. As my body was saying get into shape, my heart was saying feed me!!! As you get older, the things you eat effects your body more than when you were young and eating whatever the hell you want and never having to worry. Once again I need to re-focus my life in eating “healthier” and working out more. Eating “healthier” just sounds wrong.

Why couldn’t I have been those skinny freaks who eat and eat and never gain a pound of weight? How could they be so blessed? Why is food my enemy when it feels so right. My diets have been a slow-carb diet. I’ve been reading and re-reading the 4 hour body by Tim Ferris. I started my new diet on the 1st of February of this year. I’ve lost a total of 20 pounds! Holy shit suck on that. I can’t even believe I lost this much weight but I’m pretty happy about it so far. My overall goal is to lose 70 pounds. Sounds so fucking insane but I know I can do this.

WTF!